Motherhood begins differently for each of us. For some it is a slow and steady entrance, for some it is a slow and gut-wrenching entrance, for some it is quick and easy, and many others in between. No matter the journey, I think a lot of us had no idea what the journey would be like until we got here. How could we have better prepared ourselves? Are there ways to tap in and feel better supported in motherhood?
Well, this week on the You, The Mother Podcast, I sat down with Jessica Lorion to chat about her 3 pillars of motherhood. Jessica Lorion is the host and producer of the Mama’s and Training podcast where she supports pregnant women and aspiring moms on their journey into motherhood. What makes her show different from other pregnancy and motherhood podcasts is that she’s not yet a mom. An autoimmune disease has delayed her journey into motherhood, and she has decided to learn right alongside her audience. Jessica uses her voice and desire to connect with women everywhere to share the lessons she has learned and give community to those in need. Jessica shares with us the power of the three pillars of motherhood, which she created after interviewing over a hundred women and taking the lessons that she had learned. The three pillars being advocacy, preparation, and community. Jessica believes that by utilizing these pillars, women will gain confidence and find empowerment no matter where they’re at in their motherhood journey. You can connect with Jessica over on her podcast, Mama’s in Training, over on Instagram @mamasintrainingpod, over on her website, mamasintraining.com, or in her Facebook Community Mama’s in Training Pod.
The 3 Pillars of Motherhood
These three pillars were consistent in each conversation regarding motherhood. They are something that can be incorporated as a mama in training, as a future aspiring mom, but then also throughout our motherhood journey. We are always mamas in training, whether we are a future aspiring mom or a seasoned mom. Motherhood comes with many transitions and evolves that require these three pillars to be present and help mothers feel more confident in the transitions and seasons of motherhood.
- Advocacy
Advocacy shows up and is important in many areas of one’s motherhood journey. We talked about the importance of being able to advocate for yourself throughout your pregnancy and birthing experience. The interview with Dr. Nicole Rankins was referenced regarding the importance of Black mothers advocating during their pregnancy and birthing experience as Black women are 3-5 times more likely to have a maternal death than White women in the United States. It is important to be advocating for ourselves and each other as it can be life or death.
And advocacy doesn’t end once we make it past the birthing chapter. As mothers we advocate for our child’s health issues, mental health issues, schooling, and so much more! Mothers are their child’s best advocates, but if you are struggling using your voice there are resources available at each stage.
We also may have to advocate for our needs in our relationships. This shows up in our partnerships, friendships, and with extended family. Establishing boundaries, communicating clearly, and explaining experiences can improve your motherhood experience and allow others insight. We often make assumptions about other’s situations when we do not understand them but bridging the communication can lead to understanding.
Jessica shared how her advocating for her own health concerns led to her finally receiving a diagnosis and receive treatment and a plan. She stressed that when something feels off with your body or with your mental health continue to address the problem with a health care provider until the issue is given the attention it deserves. You deserve to be listened to.
- Planning or Preparing
When we think of planning or preparing you may immediately go back to that first chapter of motherhood when you were standing in the aisle of Buy Buy Baby overwhelmed with which bottles to buy. And it’s true, there is a lot of planning and preparing that takes place in those early months before baby comes home. However, our planning and preparing continues throughout motherhood and often changes verbiage to the mental load of motherhood.
Planning and preparing for the future are an ongoing task that mothers take on. It is also a critical piece to the advocacy pillar. To circle back to advocating for ourselves in the pregnancy and birthing season we can plan to have a doula present, we can create a birthing plan with our partner and doctor, and we can plan for how to navigate physical health or mental health issues that may arise. This continues to be true as we navigate how each child needs up to show up for them. What resources are available and how will we plan for challenges that may arise?
It is important to note that information overload is a real thing in our modern motherhood. Researching, gathering information, planning, and preparing can make every decision feel overwhelming. Jessica says, “I like to think of planning and preparing as like drinking from a fire hose. Let the information attack you and then sift through what will work for you.” Gathering information can help us make informed and well-rounded decisions, but there is not one right way to do anything. Do what it best for you and your family in the moment, and if those needs change, you can change course with it.
- Community
Community is something we as humans need, but especially mothers need and deserve. Mother’s need support and community to make the journey feel a little less lonely. Jessica shares her perspective from an aspiring mom, that not all women without children don’t want to hear about your motherhood. She was really encouraging in sharing that some your friends without children really want to be alongside you on your journey, listening to your struggles, and cheering you on. While it is important to have friends that have shared experiences, do not hesitate to lean into those that don’t.
Our different relationships show up for different pieces of us. Maybe you have your “feel good friend” that you call for a laugh, the friend that you can be deep with, or the friend that you call for advice. Having different people for different needs is good. Opening communication with those around us about our needs and what bucket we need filled is a good place to start.
Jessica shares her journey of watching her friend’s become mothers before her and how she felt left out. A big reason as to why she started her podcast was to have a way to connect with those friends. It is important to note that not all women who struggle with infertility are able to be a part of the conversations, but it is important to understand where your friends are. Do they want to be included? Do they need some distance right now? Do they just want to show up in certain areas?
We can have community in many ways, but they all require communication.
And if you are struggling to find your mom community, Jessica refers us to the third-party support. These are the people that, that aren’t your immediate mom squad. They’re people that are maybe online, Facebook mom groups, Mamas in Training Facebook group, online breastfeeding groups, online mommy meet-up groups, or other virtual support groups. The power of a third-party group is, it gives you perspective and these people are there to cheer you on. They have no preconceived notion or idea about you, your history, or your past, and this is especially great for moms who might be adding their second, third, fourth, or fifth child because you are going into some new territory even though you’ve “done this before.” You still need to be celebrated in the same way, and of course our family and friends are still going to support us and celebrate us, but it’s going to be different. Third-party groups whether virtual or in-person are underestimated, and they are powerful.
The power of community is one I believe in deeply and one that I believe every mother deserves. If you need more support finding mom friends, you can find more insight here. The 3 pillars of motherhood create a more confident mother so be sure to learn more with Jessica Lorion over on her podcast and on her Instagram!
Supporting You, The Mother,
Abbey Williams, MSW, LSW
