There are so many ways new mothers are not supported enough, but the lack of emotional support for new moms is a glaring one. In this week’s episode of the You, The Mother Podcast, I had a very real conversation with Ana Canu to talk about something moms do not get enough of – emotional support. Ana and I agreed on so many things during this conversation as both moms and women who believe in improved mental health support for mothers. Ana has a background in Human Relations but has been working in a financial institution for the last 5 years. After becoming a mom during the pandemic, she quickly saw how disconnected mothers can become to everything and everyone. When she recognized the lack of emotional support for new moms, she knew she had to do something to make a positive difference. As an avid journaler, a skill she learned to deal with the loss of her own mother as a teenager, she created MOMENTS – a beautiful journal that helps moms focus on themselves and is described as “a mom’s daily appointment with yourself to better understand your emotions.”
Ana looks back on her experience of pregnancy and postpartum during the pandemic as such an isolating time. To stay safe during a world of unknowns, she remembers only left her house for appointments for her and baby. She struggled to understand how she could feel both happy and sad at the same time, loving this new role of motherhood but also struggling through the day-to-day.
Unfortunately, resources for struggling new moms is not readily available. Between long waiting lists, the inaccessibility of scheduling, or the often high expense, therapy may not be an option for new moms.
When she began to think about creating the MOMENTS journal, she reached out to psychologists and psychiatrists who shared that writing can be extremely therapeutic for people. It can help individuals to put their feelings on paper and understand them a bit better. Also through her research, one repetitive question kept occurring. What do mothers need to reconnect with themself, or to find themselves again?
Moms are not the same as who they were before baby. When you enter motherhood, you are a new version of yourself. However, it’s hard to accept this new version and you often think “I need to fit back in my jeans” or “ I need to get back to my old way of life. This identity crisis can be the very start of a lot of mental health issues.
So how can we help to learn this new version of ourselves? How do we provide self-care to a self that we are just getting to know?
Prior to becoming a mother, you knew your self-care routine. You know what you enjoyed when you took that much deserved “me time.” But after baby, everything changes. When you do have a minute (and we mean a minute sometimes) for me-time, what is going to bring you joy? It can be so difficult because the same self-care routines you once loved may no longer spark delight in your life.
It is so important to listen to your mind and body and find a new self-care routine that you enjoy. Maybe you feel better when you move your body. Despite those long nights where you barely sleep, maybe your self care is a quick walk every morning. Or maybe it is setting your alarm 10 minutes before the baby wakes up to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. These new little self care routines can help you to redefine who you are and make you feel like you again (the new you that is!)
Motherhood can also feel like a super isolating journey. Many times, moms turn to social media to connect with a community who seem relatable, other moms, self-care gurus, workout efficianados. While you can find and create such meaningful relationships through social media, you must also be aware that it can also come with negative side affects. Remember that while you enjoy following someone, you do not need to fall into the comparison trap that can be created through our social media feeds.
As I mentioned in the above introduction, Ana found her love of journaling after losing her mom as a teenager. When she became a mother herself, she so wished she could have asked her mother what she felt during the tough first months. When Ana journals now, she writes all about her struggles and triumphs as a new mom that she hopes she can share with her own daughter one day.
She so beautifully describes the words in this journal as her “first steps as a mom.”
Whether you are on your first, second, third baby, you are always taking your first steps as a mother. Right alongside your baby, you are learning, growing and entering into a new you each and every day.
The MOMENTS journal was designed specifically for moms. Ana created this as a place where moms can quickly write in each day. The prompts are all the same so mothers know what to expect and can take a few moments to highlight their journey. Each page has four parts:
- Self-reflection – a space where moms can write as little or as much as they want. It asks the mom “How do I feel? How did today go?” Maybe the mother writes something as simple as a sweet moment that day or a longer entry about their breastfeeding journey. This is a space for moms to journal however they want each day.
- Self-care – this section asks “What have I done for myself today?” This is a gentle reminder to take that moment for yourself.
- Gratitude – “Whether it was an amazing or a more challenging day, I’m grateful for,” a place where moms can always remember what they are thankful for even in this chaos.
- Intention setting – “Tomorrow I will” – a spot that encourages mamas to write a goal for tomorrow that will set them up for that little win they so need.
Journaling is such a powerful tool for a mother’s mental health. It is an act of self-care. It can be intimidating at first, especially for moms who have never journaled before but the MOMENTS journal is great for mothers of all aged children. Through each and every stage moms will go through the beauty and struggle of the motherhood journey. Through the good and the bad, this is a time that mothers should remember and one day share with their daughters and sons as they begin their own parenting journey.
You can find more of Ana’s story on her website www.moments-journal.com and be sure to follow her over on Instagram @moments_journal.
Supporting You, The Mother,
Abbey Williams, MSW, LSW
